Moments I Never Dreamed

I was just looking through some old Facebook photos of the kids when they were baby babies. Lena, a perfect tiny newborn sleeping a lot and smiling even more and Sam, an ornery sweet fat-cheeked baby boy.

Thinking about how much life has changed since they arrived a few short years ago is overwhelming me at the moment. These precious gentle souls have brought us so much joy and so many smiles and laughs. (They have both also taken me to the brink of sanity on many occasions, but parents don't linger on those teetering times.)

I know most parents feel all gushy and mushy about their kids, but Sam and Lena are lucky enough (though I'm sure they'll put a different spin on that with their therapists) to have an extra sensitive, extra gushy mushy mom. Like this morning when I was rolling around on the floor with Sam kissing him goodbye 100 times, holding him close and trying to memorize the sound of his laugh and the way his face looked at that moment. Or last night when I sang Lena six songs before bed because I didn't want our sweet bedtime ritual to end and because she was hugging me so tight and patting me on the back while I sang.

I'm a great big gushy mess.

Reconciling that we never planned on having kids with the fact that now we have two kids sometimes still feels like an adjustment, even all these years later, though usually in a good way. I think it makes me more appreciative of Sam and Lena and the little moments that can go unnoticed as they fly by so quickly. Because I was never expecting those moments. I never dreamed of them like so many women do. I never dreamed that two tiny little people could send me veering into a paradigm shift by batting their big blue eyes or giggling their funny little laughs or holding my hand with their chubby little baby fingers...

So sometimes they just catch me by surprise, these precious moments I never dreamed. Sometimes they stop me dead in my tracks and make me wonder how I got so blessed.